The 3RD alternative

3RD Alternatives a theory by Steven covey which when you realize how much it is important and variable it will make a huge difference in your life.

Life is getting very difficult, we are living in a world which is very angry and frustrated and a lot of people are losing hope.

we don’t want to go for that we are going to go to another way, Not your way or my way, “IT’S OUR WAY”

I t will help every one to proceed to success ..

There are a lot of problems that we wakeup on every day t work at home within our relationships.

There is a solution with a third alternative.

First: let us start by seeing my-self so I would be able to see others. to trust and respect my self and reach peace within.

Second: thing is to see you if a stare at you become a thing and not a whole human being I have to understand your value how do I see you a brother a sister a child of god a friend
third: thing is seek out different points view instead of defending my self. to understand that we are different and say ” you have different points of view and I want to listen to it and I mean it”

the fourth thing is to synergies with you instead of attacking you and this the way to seek a third alternative, not yours not mine but an option to fit us both. it the start to believe that the future nit just happens to us but we can create it, we can create the future that we want to have.

What is the process of going to compromise:
1/ ASK (for more)
- And that starts when you ask for more than you already get.
Ex: Your teen ager asks you for the car.

2/ Justify (your self)
Here in this phase each one starts to justify his own reasons.
Ex: Your teen ager asks why I cant get your car, you give your reasons.
And it can go for a long time

3/ Haggle (win or lose)

when you arrive to a result after debating
EX: you say ” alright you can take the car if you will pay for gas wash it and call eve half an hour”
And your teen ager start to haggle
EX: “can I pay half, can I wash it next week.”

4/ Arrive (at compromise lose/lose)

last phase when you only hope for a compromise
EX: he gets the car but he is mad for all the tasks that he has to do, Still you are worried for his safety

so what is that all each one of you gave up something he want
And this is called LOSE/LOSE out come,

It doesn’t solve anything and doesn’t strengthen your relationship.
you never get delighted with a compromise

The their alternative is a WIN/WIN situation.
You get delighted with a third alternative
- You start with a magical question ” are you willing to go for a better solution for you and me, that no one came up with”
this question drains all the negative energy away
the other party start to ask what can be better look like.
We are going to look for possibilities its inspire and practical

Let us see the process of that:

1/ Ask (3rd alternative question)

Ex:” young man was new in his company and went to risk and ask for a raise and he was ready to haggle, so he went to his boss, But she surprised him asking tell me more what do you think about the company and you experience through it.

He was surprised he thought the conversation will be about money, but it was about him and had some ideas to share, And she asked him about a cretin client that he was dealing with him, A couple of days later she invited him back to her office with another three or four people and asked him to say his ideas about expanding the job with that cretin client, he said his ideas and it ended up with him getting an expanded job with a raise and higher responsibilities. The eventual result was a whole new line of business” How easy for her was to refuse the raise or haggle about it but she was looking for the third alternative result a WIN/WIN situation.

2/Define ( the criteria of success)

in this step you get every ones point views of solving a problem it’s called defining the criteria of success, you go up to people and say you have a different point of view i need to listen to you.

This an unnatural thing to do, usually what happens as an instinct is that you start defending your self in front of people so why do you go out of your way to listen for something you disagree with.

For two reasons:

1st: You learn something.

2nd: you drain all the negative energy away out of the conflict.

Everybody has a slice of truth no one has it all, as a third alternative thinker you realize that the more slices of truth you have the more you see things as they are, If you have truth that I don’t have why I don’t come and find you to teach me.

“it’s not only natural but essential for people to have different opinions, If two people have the same opinion one of them isn’t necessary”

the second reason to listen deeply for the people you have problems with is to drain the negative energy away, people have a desperate need to be heard and understood.

If you were suffocating you wouldn’t care about anything but to get air, once you take your breath the need has been satisfied.

Like the need for air, the greatest psychological need for human being is to be understood, when you listen to another person you give that person psychological air, only when that vital need is met you can focus on solving the problem.

When you listen you get the chance to talk, and then a two ways dialogue starts and a conversation go through.

3/Create (3rd alternatives)

the third alternative starts when you ask someone “are you willing to go for a solution which is better for you and me and we didnt go for it before”

you turn your mind upside down, start to go for lateral thinking, confident using the free thinking to go for a solution a new idea that works for both sides.

4/Arrive (to the 3rd alternative)

How do you know that you arrived to the 3rd alternative, you know by the excitement in the room people stop hesitating and not more interested in old fights and arguments.

Every one sees every thing clearly more than ever, you all become partners in discovery rather than being enemies in a battle field,

It’s the hieghest achievement in life.